Kenny's Bad, Crazy Thing

     Geez.  There I was enjoying looking at Kenny Chesney on Jimmy Fallon.  Dude is hot.  The kind of hot that makes me want to eat nothing but soy nuts, yogurt, and fruit while I work out to end up getting into some sexy black spandex workout clothes looking as fine as he does.  It takes a few minutes to get over the fact that it's not really even country and you hate pop and country pop is even worse, but after that I can enjoy just looking at him.  Then the lyrics start making themselves known, and I'm thinking, no, he wouldn't get into a dysfunctional relationship like that.  I mean, I've only seen him in interviews a few times, but he seemed really with it.  Of course he could still be the type who finds himself getting into one of those bad, crazy things with somebody who helps make it the perfect bad, crazy thing for him.

     No, I do not have any Kenny Chesney CD's. The stupid song is called "Come Over," which, as you know if you have ever been in this position, is as dangerous as J.R. Ewing holding a straight razor over his son's neck, having waved away the barber so he can scare the shit out of John Ross because he betrayed him.  And I only really call the song stupid because it got me thinking...

Forget about your friends

you know they're gonna say

we're bad for each other

but we ain't good for anyone else...

***

We don't have to miss each other

come over

we don't have to fix each other

come over...
***
We don't have to say forever

come over

you don't have to stay forever
come over...
***

Come over come over come over come over...

    My to-do list lately includes getting back online to find someone to date.  Of course I haven't done it, for a number of reasons.  But I have never felt more alone in my life.  I don't even want to make dinner--everything is "why bother".  It pops into my head that it would be nice to get ice cream. Then it hits me--it's not about the ice cream.  Getting ice cream in the summer is an activity.  I have done a lot of things alone, but you get to a point where you just can't do it anymore and you stay home and eat food that comes wrapped in plastic, not even wanting to have to put something in the microwave.  It's depressing and you feel like shit--physically, even.  Yeah, it's bad.  It's easy to see why people who live alone die younger than people who are paired off.

     But while listening to this song about ole Kenny and the pull the wrong woman has on him, it hits me.  If my baby daddy weren't married, I would probably still spend time with him.  He's too lazy to work for anything, so he'd be happy with us as a default, too.  Uh, wait.  That implies that I would be happy with it.  Happy is not the word.  At any rate, my heart just dropped when I realized that.   It's hard to even try to sort through all the emotions tagged on to that.  It's sad because it was so horrible.  He was so horrible and I took it--that's what's sad.  It's sad because that feels like my only other alternative to this; I can't imagine a situation where I'm with someone and it doesn't suck as much as being this alone, basically.  And it's bittersweet because there is that soupcon of compatibility in between the pain and hatred.  A tiny slice of "ahhhhh we like the same things" that makes it irresistible.  Yeah, I know.  I'm fooling myself thinking that is what makes it irresistible.  It's the dysfunction that is flat freaking addictive.  Nothing new there or in the song.   But I really only ever had that one dysfunctional thing--it was bad, but it's not like I've spent my whole life in that hell, and when you've known that kind of dysfunction, you know that the relief you seek is a door you can open for yourself, but you don't.  It's the weirdest damned thing.  So it could be way worse.

     I could be asking if I can come over.


SNAP.  I just watched the end of Jimmy Fallon.  Kenny appears to be a tiny man.  Rats.  I wonder if he really got it on with the model in the video.  Looked pretty real in a couple spots.  And that boat has a French flag--I wonder who owns it.